The Hamster On A Wheel

177361690Write. Hit delete. Write some more. Hit delete. Close laptop, walk away, busy myself. Sneak back. Open my laptop. Ahhhh. Write. But—hit delete. Try again….yeah…that’s it. Oops. Hit delete. Argh!!! Close laptop. Run away screaming!

This has been my life the last few weeks. Grinding out a few thousand words when normally, I’d have written at least another two books. (Novellas mostly—30k-40k words usually being my sweet spot.) These last few months, I haven’t been on track. A few times I tricked myself into thinking I bounced back but the truth is—I’m nowhere near my original ebb and flow. Frustrating? You have no idea!
I wondered, what changed? What caused me to come grinding to a halt? It wasn’t the stories because they were flowing through my mind. It wasn’t family issues, all fine on that front, except of course the occasional meltdown but, that’s normal. So, I took a look around. It was my home. My house had been in a wrecked state for weeks. This, I can assure you, has never happened to the extent I was observing.
The funny thing is I’m like a hamster on a wheel, never stopping or slowing down. The shopping, cooking, cleaning, school projects, playdates, carpools, and let’s not forget the all-consuming holidays, don’t let me. So, when there is a wrench thrown into this balance, I fall off my wheel. And it’s taken me forever to jump back on. But, the time had come to clean house. And I don’t mean sprucing it up until it shines, I mean cleaning out and dumping the, way too much stuff, around here. How do families amass so much crap? Can you say garage sale? Yeah, that’s nice. I can’t. My community doesn’t allow these wondrous little sales where recycling is encouraged and money is made from the things you no longer use.
I hate clutter. This mind-numbing phenomenon is the culprit, I say! Creating a space for myself, where I can relax and write is a great idea. Yes?—Nope. Can’t do it. The clutter beyond the walls of my makeshift sanctuary nags at me. Calling me to task. Daring me to rise up and meet the challenge of destroying its carefully coiled mess. I give in….every time! Now, I’m sure you’re wondering, if I give in every time, there should be no clutter right? Sounds logical. But, no. It never happens that way. Remember the hamster on a wheel analogy?
And so I’ve discovered that my carefully, unintentional, design of time management never bounced back from the unexpected happenings that turned my world upside down and pushed my track of course. I’m finding it difficult to manage. Since my first responsibility is to my family, my writing will have to slow down just a bit. I’ll stop pressuring myself. And I’ll try to find the balance again. Any authors out there have this happen? How did you overcome it? Balance problems in general? Family, house, day job? I’d love to hear any advice you can offer.

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2 Responses to “The Hamster On A Wheel”

  1. Hi Cherrie, I feel your pain and frustration! But, I have heard that if you unclutter your life, and home, your flow will begin again. So there is still hope, do not despair. I sometimes get into that rut or mindless state…as well. I think that is what is called writers block? I know it is hard to get into that grove again, where nothing gets in your way, just your story that keeps flowing like a never ending river. Sometimes what helps me is that I need to put everything out of my head, and really concentrate…I do not have children around, but because of my illness I am in pain at times. So you can say that is what gets in my way….I say a prayer to God, Mary, and the Angels to guide my hand and my mind. Before you know it, I have written my story, blog, or what ever I am working on at the time. I am not sure if this will help you, but I have faith that you will get your flow back again. You are a great writer, with wonderful ideas, and a fabulous imagination. I know you will find your peace again in the written word. Love Dottie x

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    • Dottie you a godsend. Thanks once again for your words of wisdom. I think I will say a prayer but, not for my writing. I’ll say it for you my friend. That your pain goes away and your tasks get easier. Keep that blog coming, I still have to cook ya know. And I’m waiting for a story from you. Hugs and kisses.

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